Sorry it's been a while you lovely person you!

Hello boys and girls,

Well, it’s been a long time since I talked to you all and so much has happened. One thing that DIDN’T happen though was my script! ARGH!

It was a cold night, I was sitting in my writing chair, a glass of slightly chilled water in my well manicured hand, my notes sprawled across my desk like a selection of Moses scrolls, when BANG! A cup smashed in the kitchen.
“Can you go and take a look at what that was?” I called out loud. Then I remembered, I live alone in this lighthouse-mill. Just me and the spirit of Simply Gary.
I got up from my desk and headed in the direction of the kitchen and the smashing sound. My heart was pumping fat blood through my arteries like skin flicks in a virgin’s garage space. Fear gripped my chowder. What the hell had made a cup fall over? I looked at my watch, my fear and anxiety becoming thicker as the big hand went on a 12 and the little hand was on the 11. A cup had not only broken but it was also really, really late. What on St Gods green Earth had made a cup fall at a time like this.
I reached the kitchen, and raised one of those hands I was on about earlier. My nails did a tapping sound as they struck the wood like chutney bursting through an octopus. Using gravity and force, I pushed the door open. It opened. On the floor, in pieces was a cup. Something moved. Was it a coincidence that it moved when I moved? It wasn’t.

I was devastated that I was unable to write my script. I was even more devastated when The WIG was once again stopped in work. I was often thanked for publishing my words of advice to the workers of GEM as there was advice to be taken from every piece of work I had ‘published.’
“Thanks,” a man would say.
“I am good now,” another man would say.
“I still have a problem with my blood flow down there but your advice has inspired me to give it another go, but with my wife this time,” said another man.
A few girls said things too!
“My nipples have never been so responsive!”
I can obviously offer advice here and will still do some at people directly if I have time and time isn’t being a whore.

Anyway, I am going to stick a few old cases up for you to check out with your eyes. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you want to have a wag of the chin and get things off your chest. Maybe your husband is being a cheating scumbag and is out there with your mother right now, pleasuring her in ways that only a man with no inhibitions or respect for women can. Tea bagging, roman-showers, scat, public pissing, granny sex, webcam stuff, ‘forced’ and ‘a bit of juice’ that is probably what they are doing right now and you are sitting here reading this going, “Boo-hoo, I think he is out there doing a scat with a woman and I am sitting here reading this… boo-hoo.”
Seriously, get in touch, let me know what’s up and I will get back to you with advice. I know people.

Love
Zelda x